September 29, 2011

this is thursday: pencil + paper = humiliation

I rarely let people draw pictures of me.  You know how super famous people don't allow photos?  Yeah, it's nothing like that.  Let's just chalk it up to bad experiences.  

I remember on our grade eight field trip to Canada's Wonderland I jumped in line with my friends to have my caricature drawn by some caricature drawing jag-off.  The eighth grade ego is a terribly fragile thing and this fellow did me absolutely no favours.  Smack dab in the middle of my awkward stage this man gave me the gift of a football field sized forehead and for some reason I was being beamed up to a spaceship.  I remember when I saw the drawing wanting to fold it up and hide it in my giant mom-jeans back pocket. 

Fast forward ten years and there's me sitting in a swanky Shanghai restaurant.  It's my first trip to the big city since moving to China months before.  I haven't had a meal that included red meat since I landed.  My loving boyfriend watches in horror as I shove platefuls of sliced beef in my mouth (sorry vegans!).  All the while something curious is going on outside my window.  There is a man with a sketchbook and pencil in hand watching me intently.  At some point I realize that he is drawing a portrait of me while gorge myself.  Awesome.  Even more exciting is the knowledge that he will try and sell me this artwork once I waddle out of the building.  Can't wait.

Another solid 90 minutes pass before I'm ready to say goodbye to the carts of food passing by my table.  The man is still waiting.  In my head I give myself a pep talk "He wouldn't wait that long unless it was a really good drawing.  This is going to be okay."  We step out the door, he approached, flips the book around and a small piece of my soul dies.  It, I have no words.  It looks like this girls inbred cousin.  I wanted to run because at that time I wasn't able to appreciate a good joke.  Now I wish I had just paid for the damn thing so I could use it as a profile picture.  Seriously, it looks like cheese melting off of a cat skull while crying and singing Happy Birthday.  

So yeah, I don't take kindly to people drawing pictures of me.  But you know there has to be an exception to every rule and I've finally found it.  Thank you Elycia for redeeming my fat head and giving me eyebrows that I can finally love.  You done did this blogger girl proud!